Find Me
by dandelion weed
Summary: "Kuroko Tetsuya?" "Do I know you from somewhere?"


He saw a familiar face the moment he stepped into the room.

Tetsuya squinted. Yes, it was Mayuzumi Chihiro. He looked different with the glasses and casual wear, but it _was_ the former Rakuzan player. The senior had not notice him yet–as did the rest of the students in the lecture hall–his face buried into a book with brightly printed cover. It featured a sister and a boy in uniform. Tetsuya exhaled louder. He did not like light novel. The literature quality is decent at best.

Someone bumped into him from behind. Tetsuya murmured an apology but the offender (a middle-aged woman) already made her way to the front table. He sighed softly and made his way to sit beside Mayuzumi. This ought to be entertaining.

"Good morning," said the woman, presumably their professor. "My name is Saotome Rika. Can someone tell me what are we doing in this class?"

It was silent for a moment. Saotome looked around, her eyes sharp as eagle behind her half-moon glasses. "Anyone at all?"

Mayuzumi held up his hand. He was not even looking up from his book and answered without Saotome's consent. "We write fiction."

Saotome regarded the boy for a moment, before nodding and looking at the rest of the class with mock disappointed eyes. "That's what fiction writing class is for. We write fiction. Thank you, Mayuzumi-kun. Now, can someone tell me why we write fiction?"

Immediately, there were hands raised. Tetsuya wondered if that was necessary at all, since they all answered neatly without overtaking each other.

"To express ourselves."

"To show the world what we can do."

"To brighten up someone's day."

"To leave a mark that will outlive us."

"To find ourselves."

There was a pause. Tetsuya looked at Mayuzumi, who stated the last answer. His face was still buried into the book. Tetsuya wondered why Saotome allowed it. Perhaps he was an honor student? Tetsuya wouldn't know. He was the only freshman in this class.

"Is that why you write fiction?" Saotome asked. Her voice was low, but it carried enough strength without sounding threatening. It was the voice of somebody who was sure of their ability and knew it, but did not undermine anyone. Instead, she brought everyone in the class to keep up with her. Tetsuya could already see he would like her.

Mayuzumi looked up from his book, met Saotome's eyes for a moment, and nodded. He stood up. The book lay upside down on the table.

"I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm great. I only need to assure myself that I am fine the way I am. I write so I won't lose myself and need to depend on anyone. I write to realize myself and what I think. My fiction carries a piece of myself, and that's all I need."

"That's what we call ego," Saotome said.

"But it's not," Mayuzumi retorted. His lips curled into a slight smile.

"It's not," Saotome agreed. She looked pleased. "Anyone else?"

There was no answer. Everyone was looking at Mayuzumi, including Tetsuya–who stared for a completely different reason.

Who…who was this boy?

Mayuzumi was different from the person Tetsuya saw years ago. Not that he would know how Mayuzumi was outside of court, but Mayuzumi looked…utterly confident and comfortable while being in the spotlight. That was new.

"No?" Saotome prompted. "Well then, since this is our first class for this semester, I want to see how different are you people since we last met. Write a five hundred word essay from the point of view of an inanimate object. Start now."

Sounds of zipped ran and pen clicked filled the hall. Tetsuya looked down at his stationary bag and sighed.

He was almost done when he felt the tell-tale of somebody watching him intently. He shifted and met Mayuzumi's pale eyes. The senior's eyes widened slightly. His jaw fell in disbelief.

"Hello," Tetsuya offered.

Mayuzumi looked as if he wanted to scream judging from how red he was.

"Kuroko Tetsuya?"

Tetsuya cocked his head to side. "That's me."

Mayuzumi sputtered silently. Oh, that was far more entertaining than he'd thought. What if he pushed it farther?

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

Mayuzumi made a strangled sound at the back of his throat. Tetsuya knew Mayuzumi would have manhandled him out of class had it not for Saotome announcing they had ten minutes more. Mayuzumi glowered at her for a moment before turning to him and mouthed 'after class.' Tetsuya looked down at his own unfinished essay and set to work again, his mind whirling with what Mayuzumi wanted from him.

Ten minutes later, Mayuzumi leaned over him and snatched his essay before he could count the words. He put it under his own paper and pushed it to another student who was passing by. Tetsuya watched in disbelief as the boy rolled his eyes and took the paper, presumably to be delivered to Saotome.

"Do you do that a lot?" he asked Mayuzumi. "He seems used to it."

"I don't like to stand up and do it myself."

"That's different from what you said when Saotome asked your reason for writing," Tetsuya murmured.

Mayuzumi turned to him with a raised eyebrow. Tetsuya stared back flatly. "You're depending on other people."

The senior scoffed. "That's different. This–" He waved loosely at the boy who took their work. "This is me exploiting other people without hurting them. Humans exploit each other every day whether they meant it or not. It's a vicious cycle of life. It has existed since humanity was first created. That's different from my reason of writing."

"You're awfully talkative," Tetsuya said.

Mayuzumi narrowed his eyes. "So you do remember me."

Tetsuya was vaguely aware of people leaving the hall. "I don't," he persisted. "I mean, maybe, but-"

"Basketball," Mayuzumi interrupted. "Winter Cup, two years ago, the final match. Rakuzan versus Seirin. There was another player that Akashi Seijuurou molded to overcome his first sixth man."

Tetsuya sighed. "You're taking away all my fun. It's awfully boring nowadays, you know."

The senior rolled his eyes and packed his bag. "Come with me."

"Where?" Tetsuya asked, but he was already packing his own stuffs.

"I need to talk to you, obviously."

XXX

On Thursday, three days after their first fiction writing class, Mayuzumi came and sat next to him in the lecture hall.

"Rika likes to pair people sometimes when doing assignments," he said with a bitter tone. "Pair up with me. Lots of people in this class are very interested in getting into each other's personal lives. I don't like that."

"Your lack of manner appalls me. People usually say please for things like this," Tetsuya said without looking up from his textbook. "Vanilla milkshake at my call whenever I want and it's a deal."

Mayuzumi looked at him strangely. "Deal."

"I hope you're aware you just sacrificed a fair amount of money," Tetsuya murmured.

"What?" Mayuzumi asked distractedly.

"Nothing. Here Saotome comes."

"Did you know she likes younger men?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Get your pen and notebook out, for Christ's sake."

"You definitely said Saotome likes younger men."

"Lower your voice, you idiot. She'll give me Ds for the rest of the semester if she knows I told you that. Besides, you probably already know."

Tetsuya's eyebrows met his hairline.

Mayuzumi stared at him. "How else did a freshman like you get into her class?"

"Are you –never mind. Some people are not worth any effort."

"Hey."

XXX

"Are you related to her?" Tetsuya asked the first time they worked on their homework, three months later. The library was deserted and dark at midnight. The only light available was the lamp on their table.

Mayuzumi hummed noncommittally, tapping his mechanical pencil to the table as he tried to find the right words for his next phrase. He had a strong jaw line, one day old stubble grazing it all the way to his cheeks and sideburn. His glasses perched lowly on his long nose. The same nose Saotome had.

"Yes, she's my half-sister, actually. Our mother divorced her father and raised her on her own until she met mine."

"Do you live with her?" Tetsuya winced at the bordering personal question. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want anyone to-"

"It's fine." Mayuzumi waved before writing something on their shared notebook. "She has her own apartment. It's five minutes' walk from mine. We don't live with our parents anymore." Mayuzumi looked up. "Why are you interested?"

"No reason," Tetsuya said quickly. Too quick, apparently, since Mayuzumi stared at him, his lips pursed in thought. Tetsuya sighed and held out his hand. "Are you done?"

Mayuzumi pushed the notebook into his hand. Tetsuya's eyes immediately picked out the excessive amount of dialogue and sighed internally. He picked up his pencil, re-wrote the whole thing with a few description thrown in. Mayuzumi saw what he was doing. His face turned into indignation as he stood up and sat down next to Tetsuya.

"Why do you do that?" he asked. His breath brushed against Tetsuya's cheeks.

Tetsuya continued to work as he answered, "You're too focused with the flow of the plot. There's not enough description. Plus, this is from a person's point of view. There's bound to be some distracted thought."

Mayuzumi was silent for a moment. "You're good at this," he admitted sullenly.

Tetsuya took a moment to preen. "I didn't get into the senior class by selling my body to your sister, obviously."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"That," Mayuzumi waved at him generally.

"That what?" Tetsuya pressed.

"That smile!" Mayuzumi gritted out, his cheeks flushed. "That smile you do whenever you feel pleased."

"No," Tetsuya answered.

XXX

"An A," Mayuzumi murmured two weeks later, their essay in his hand. Tetsuya nodded and bit into his sandwich.

Mayuzumi's rice ball lay forgotten as the senior burnt a hole into the paper he was holding. "An A. I can count the times I get an A with one hand in her class. Are you sure you didn't sell your body to her?"

Tetsuya slapped his arm. "I told you I didn't. Plus, it's my usual grade since high school."

Mayuzumi did not look assuaged. "That's unfair. I'm two years older than you are."

"You read light novels." Tetsuya huffed. "I told you it's not enough. Start reading something more proper."

"It's boring."

Tetsuya sighed loudly. He put down his sandwich. Ignoring Mayuzumi who was still murmuring things under his breath, he fished out a book from his bag. Mayuzumi would read it, one way or another, even if he had to be there to make sure of it.

"This Friday," he said as he pushed the book to Mayuzumi, "come to my dorm room after dinner. My roommate is going to be away from Friday evening until Sunday morning. I will drill everything I know into your thick skull. Honestly. You don't even have respect for proper literature."

Mayuzumi gave him another one of those strange looks he got sometimes. He looked down at the book. "I can do that," he murmured.

"Good, because you were going to whether you can or not."

XXX

On Friday evening, Tetsuya was cleaning his room. He left the other side untouched and tackled his side instead. Mayuzumi would be over in a half an hour. Luckily, he was a naturally neat person. It took him less than ten minutes to rearrange his books and table.

He caught himself when he almost brushed his teeth for the second time.

"What am I doing?" he murmured to the mirror. He looked down at the teeth brush and sighed mournfully. He turned on the tap, washed away the floss and exited back to his room.

He looked at the untidy side of the room. His fingers twitched with the want to smooth over the bed. He had picked up the trashes, but he still did not want to touch anything personal. It would be terribly rude and not to mention make his roommate uncomfortable. They were on the level where they exchanged greetings every morning and night, but they were still far from being casual friends. Giving up, he sat down on his bed.

Not a few seconds later, somebody knocked.

Tetsuya opened the door, and something like a smile threatened to grace his lips. Mayuzumi stood in the hallway. The book Tetsuya lent him settled between his wrist and hip. He had both hands in his jeans pocket. He looked terribly good in the dark green checkered button up. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing his forearms with wispy hair and green veins.

"Am I early?" Mayuzumi asked. Tetsuya caught a whiff of something cold and nice. Perfume, Mayuzumi was wearing man perfume. His hair was darker, as if he'd just take a shower. He was wearing a new pair of shoes that Tetsuya never saw before. His glasses were gone.

"No," he croaked out. He coughed and opened the door wider. "Come in. Sorry, it's…terribly messy on the other side."

Mayuzumi walked into the room, all relaxed and confident and all Tetsuya thought was _Mayuzumi Chihiro is in my room_. He kicked himself internally and walked over to the mini fridge his roommate bought for them last week.

"Coffee or soda?"

"Soda please," Mayuzumi answered as he sat down. He put the book on the low table. Tetsuya took out a soda and his milkshake. He settled across Mayuzumi, pushing the can to Mayuzumi. The senior murmured his thanks before popping open the can.

"Have you read it?" Tetsuya eyed the book.

"Some." Mayuzumi shrugged. "It's very…imaginative and…uselessly narrative about useless things."

Tetsuya glared. "That's a real book. It's not all about the plot. It's also about the character and their life."

"I've read some before, but they just don't agree with my brain." Mayuzumi frowned. "I'm more of a light-writing person."

"Are you going to be a light novel writer?" Tetsuya asked, dumbfounded.

"Maybe." Mayuzumi shrugged again. "I don't know. I might just take up teaching like Rika. But I won't have the patience to deal with kids. I supposed being a writer is the one career where I don't have to deal with people when I don't want to."

"There's your editor," Tetsuya said with a smile.

"I can run away from them and not getting a bad reputation, can't I? What about you?"

Tetsuya blinked. "What about me?"

"What are you planning for the future?" Mayuzumi gave him that strange look again.

"I want to be a kindergarten teacher." Tetsuya smiled at Mayuzumi's face. "And writing on the side, maybe. I…I don't want to abandon this, you see. I want to keep writing until I can't."

Mayuzumi regarded him. "What's your reason for writing? You didn't answer that when Rika asked."

Tetsuya stared at him. Nobody ever asked him that. At least, not directly. He looked down at his hands, studying the lines as he constructed an answer that might satisfy Mayuzumi. It was easier when he wrote it for Saotome's class. Words seemed to abandon him and he found himself licking his lips nervously.

"I…" _I'm not like you. I don't want to find myself. I want to disappear. That's the only thing ever true about me. I'm sorry._ "I want to share my thoughts with the world."

Mayuzumi burst into uncharacteristic harsh laughter. It did not reach his eyes. "What a textbook answer."

Tetsuya glared. "Why does it matter? I asked you to come so I can help you."

"No, no, we're not doing this." Mayuzumi stood up and held out a hand to Tetsuya.

"What?" Tetsuya frowned distrustfully at the hand.

The senior rolled his eyes. They looked clearer without the glasses. "Do you trust me?"

"What…?" Tetsuya repeated. This time more confused than angry.

"I said," Mayuzumi leaned into his personal space, "do you trust me?"

Tetsuya looked at him strangely. Mayuzumi sighed, annoyed. "We're going to have to brush up your Disney knowledge." And took his arm forcefully to stand up. Tetsuya's heart almost stopped as his nose bumped against a hard chest. Mayuzumi took out his phone. Tetsuya leaned in to see Mayuzumi accessed the music gallery.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to help you to find yourself," Mayuzumi answered. He seemed to have found what he was looking for as he set down the gadget.

"What–" Tetsuya had to swallow his next words, because a song played from the phone and Mayuzumi took his hand, guided his other to Mayuzumi's shoulder before settling his hand on Tetsuya's waist and _moved_.

_In your ocean I'm ankle deep  
I feel the waves crashing on my feet  
It's like I know where I need to be  
But I can't figure out  
I can't figure out_

"What are we doing?" Tetsuya whispered.

"Shh," Mayuzumi murmured into his hair. "Just feel."

_Just how much air will I need to breath  
When your tide washes over me  
There's only one way to figure out  
Will you let me drown?  
Will you let me drown?_

Mayuzumi twirled him. Slow, calculated, and they met again.

_Hey now this is my desire  
Consume me like a fire  
Cuz I just want something beautiful to touch me  
I know that I'm in reach  
'Cause I am down on my knees  
Waiting for something beautiful_

Now they twirled together, Mayuzumi's hand firm on his waist and Tetsuya's hand snaked along his shoulders. He rested his head against Mayuzumi's shoulder blade.

"Is there a point of this?"

"Hmm?" Mayuzumi hummed. "You can actually dance. I'm surprised." Another twirl. "I just want to dance, to be honest."

_And the water is rising quick  
And for years I was scared of it  
We can't be sure when it will subside  
So I won't leave your side  
No I can't leave your side_

Their hands left each other. Tetsuya brought his up and link them behind Mayuzumi's neck. Mayuzumi rested his hands on either side of his waist. Their foreheads met, grey eyes locked with blue ones.

"Did I accidentally give you beer?"

_Hey now this is my desire  
Consume me like a fire_

Mayuzumi turned them so Tetsuya could see the table on his peripheral vision. "You did."

_Cuz I just want something beautiful to touch me_

"Oh." Tetsuya frowned. "Let's stop."

"I don't want to."

_I know that I'm in reach  
'Cause I am down on my knees_

"You're drunk." And lightweight. "Stop this before we both do something we'll regret."

_Waiting for something beautiful_

"Why?" Mayuzumi frowned. His eyes seemed to have a hard time to stay open. "You're not drunk. We can stop…in case…I do something…what's it called? Unsavory?"

Tetsuya tried to say something cruel, but his words were stuck on his throat and it only came out as something between a growl and whine. "No, I won't stop. And I won't be held responsible for my action later."

Mayuzumi chuckled. "Oh yes, you will, since you were the one who gave me alcohol when I asked for soda. Why the mistake, by the way? Were you that nervous?"

He tried to slip away, but Mayuzumi kept a firm hold on his waist.

_In a daydream  
I couldn't live like this  
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful  
But when I wake up  
And all I want, I have  
You know it's still all I need - something beautiful_

"Are you doing this to mock me?" Tetsuya forcefully stopped their movement and looked up at Mayuzumi.

And suddenly, there was something warm and soft against his lips. Tetsuya stood stunned as Mayuzumi pulled him closer and kissed him deeper.

_This is wrong,_ he wanted to scream. _You're a stupid lightweight and this is not how I want my first kiss to be but oh you feel so good..._

Mayuzumi pulled a hairbreadth away. "You're red," he had the gall to say. "I've wanted to do that for weeks."

And then he fell asleep. On top of Tetsuya.

"What–" Tetsuya looked down at the snoring senior, completely obvious to Tetsuya's struggle to keep them upright. He wanted to scream, pull and kick at him, but he reeled in the urge and dragged the much taller man to his bed.

Tetsuya wanted to do all three violent acts against him again, preferably with profanities added into his scream. They did not get anything done at all. This was not how he wanted to spend their first evening together. No, he most definitely did not. They were supposed to study. Instead they danced, and then kissed.

He sighed and buried his face into his palms.

XXX

Chihiro awoke to something warm pressed to his side.

This is nice, he thought. But his waist was mightily uncomfortable. It felt like there was something tight and hard wrapped around it. Belt, probably. Why would he wear a belt to his bed?

And then he remembered, and almost laughed hysterically.

"You look like you're constipated."

He turned to his side, where Kuroko Tetsuya was staring at him through half-lidded eyes.

"You owe me one." He yawned. "And judging from your face, you remember everything. That means you can't pretend to forget. You imposed on me and took my bed without permission."

"Last thing I remember," Chihiro croaked out, "I was kissing you. So, no. I did not remember falling asleep on your bed. You're the one who probably dumped me here."

"Fine," Kuroko snapped. "Now get out of my bed and room. I'll see you next week in Saotome's class."

"Why are you angry?" Chihiro moved to sat up. Kuroko followed.

"You kissed me." Kuroko narrowed his eyes at him. "I think I deserve to be angry."

The senior's lip curled. "I don't know about you, but the first time I saw you in Rika's class, I was trying to deny that this very good looking guy beside me is that shrimp that irritated me so much when I was in high school. But then you dashed away all my hope and I'm left with a heart in denial and growing with something weird that makes me want to kiss you and wake up next to you in the morning."

"Well you already did all two. Door is that way. I'll see you later."

"No, you listen to me!" Chihiro wrapped a hand around Kuroko's neck, bringing their face close. "I won't have you running away from this. I know you like me, and believe me, it made me very happy to hear you practically admitted it last night. No, we're supposed to find our way around this."

"I don't want to." Kuroko looked down. "I don't want to find my place in this world. It will be taken away from me again. The only thing I want to do is to disappear and stop existing, thinking and caring."

"You don't really think that," Chihiro tried. That? That was what Kuroko thought all along when they were together? When he wrote fantastic things and got the highest mark? When he smiled his cute little pleased smile? When Chihiro held him and kissed him?

"I do," Kuroko said through bitter laughter, hurt in his eyes and voice. "I'm a wreck. You don't want me. You don't _need_ me. That's how you are, aren't you?"

"Sometimes…" Chihiro breathed. "Sometimes, things fall apart so they may fall into place. I'm not saying everything you went through was so we can be here today, but it's so we can find our true self and place. What do you say?"

"How can I be sure this is not going to be like everything else?" Kuroko said, something vicious and resigned in his voice. "How can I be sure I won't lose you?"

"You won't. I promise." Chihiro smiled. "I will be strong enough to protect your heart. This time, it's going to be someone else and not you who do all the supporting and cherishing."

It felt like time stretched longer as he waited for Kuroko to nod. When he did, Chihiro swooped in and kissed him until they were both breathless, something like happiness and excitement for future blooming inside his chest.

* * *

End.

**A/N**: I was _sure_ it was going to be around 2k only. Anyway. Yay! MayuKuro! I love me some literature pair. This was partly inspired by Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. Yes, that's an actual book title and an actual person's name. Go read it.

* * *

黒子のバスケ © Fujimaki Tadatoshi

Something Beautiful © Needtobreathe


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